And the band played on...

Last year I put in an IEP request for Mikey. I painstakingly drew up the letter using all the best advice from the web. I talked to my teacher friends.  I talked to my special ed expert friends.  I spent days writing the letter.  And after all of that effort, not to mention the fun of taking hours of my precious pto, the request was denied.  Apparently his ability was average but his achievement was all above average.  I'm still not sure how a kid with an average iq could be performing in the top percentile when he wanders around, curls up under his desk and ignores the teacher but that's all water under the bridge.  They told me they would set up a meeting to develop a 504 plan and sent us on our way.

By the spring of first grade it was obvious that he needed a lot more help than he was getting.  He was disruptive, caused issues, refused to go to lunch, wandered around the campus and was an all around pain in the butt.  His behavior escalated to the point where he wasn't learning and he was keeping other kids from learning.  After several months I emailed the school asking about the promised 504 plan meeting and we were able to get one set up.

The 504 plan coordinator was a 4th grade teacher who apparently had experience as an administrator.  I know this because she kept mentioning it over and over.  "When I was a VP at a middle school we would...." and part of me really wanted to ask why she wasn't in administration any more.  We decided that we would address Mikey's defiance with the 504 plan.  Any time he refused to do what the teacher said, he would be sent to the principals office.  The teacher mentioned that Mikey loves talking to the principal and the office staff, and he might enjoy that too much.  The coordinator said they would instruct the office staff not to talk to him.  So I'm here trying to figure out how sending the kid to the office whenever he didn't want to do his work, and not talking to him was going to address his issues in class.  It seemed like she wanted to give my 6 year old an old fashioned Amish shunning.

A week into the plan, Mikey had been in the principals office 3 times.  His behavior wasn't improving.  And he wasn't learning.  Sorry lady - it may work with 6th graders, but not 6 year olds.  At the same time, Dani's issues in school were escalating and she was in tears over her homework and school work every day.  The breaking point was the day Mikey dropped a deuce on the playground.  Yes folks -my son decided the bathroom was too smelly and somehow the pavement was a better choice.  When the principal questioned his actions, he got upset and screamed that he hated his life.  That turned into he wished he wasn't alive.  And that turned into me having to run to the school to pick up my child and sign the district suicide threat release form.  Good times here. 

So I hired a special ed advocate.  Mikey's new therapist had diagnosed him with Aspergers because he apparently has classic symptoms.  The diagnosis was helpful because it gave his behavior a name.  Even though his Aspergers is very different than Dani's Aspergers, there are a lot of pieces that are the same.  Armed with the diagnosis and the advocate I sent in the IEP request letter for Mikey again and requested a review of Dani's IEP.

It's amazing what a difference an advocate can make.  To be continued.....

I've turned into angry special ed mom

Two weeks after the homeroom change, Dani is still with the original teacher for math and English. She asked me why she still had to have her for math and English. I explained that this teacher teaches the high level kids, so she’s going to have to keep going there. She then tells me she wishes she wasn’t high level. That broke my heart.

Last night we had another interesting exchange. Dani says “My back hurts”.
I ask “Why?”
She replies “It got cut”.

I lift her shirt and see a nickel sized scrape right in the middle. I ask her “What happened?”
She says “It’s a long story. I was crawling under the bathroom stall.”

My curiosity is piqued and I ask for more details. She explains that her stall did not have any toilet paper and she didn’t want to leave the bathroom with her pants down. My next question “Why didn’t you check for tp before you picked that stall.”

“Well” she says “I was in a hurry and I had an accident in the bathroom.”

Now my sweet child wasn’t potty trained until she was almost 4 but she hasn’t had accidents at school since first grade. She has trouble recognizing when she needs to go and tends to wait until it becomes an emergency. We have worked very hard on getting her to go before it becomes urgent, and she’s come a very long way. So as always, I ask her why she waited until the last minute and she says “Mrs. L (the old homeroom teacher that she still has for math and English) is charging tribal bucks to go to the bathroom and I traded all my tribal bucks for colonial cash when I changed homerooms, and I wasn’t sure if I could still use the bathroom since it costs 5 tribal bucks to go. So as soon as class was over, I quickly walked to my homeroom, because you aren’t allowed to run, got my water bottle and went to the bathroom. It was a little too late and I kind of peed myself and I didn’t even think to check for tp because I had to go so bad”

Livid mom immediately fires off an email to her special ed team to let them know that my child is to never be charged any kind of currency to use the bathroom, and needs to be specifically told that she is to never be charged any kind of currency to use the bathroom. I also let them know that she is allowed to have a bottle of water if she feels it is necessary. I told them I understand that this is Dani’s interpretation and perception of the policy, but the policy is that she can use the bathroom when she needs to and if I need to add potty breaks to her IEP I will.

I got a horrified reply back from her learning resource teacher first thing this morning letting me know that she is absolutely allowed to go to the bathroom when she needs to, without charge, and that this would be addressed. Hopefully this problem is solved, but I hate that this is a problem in the first place. I hate that things like this are even an issue. I’m ready to completely write off this entire year learning wise. Not only is she falling behind academically, she’s miserable and peeing herself.

**** UPDATE****

Email from the school - Dani is not being charged to use the bathroom. Some kids in the class are if they are excessive bathroom break abusers, but they assured me Dani would not be charged. More importantly they assured Dani that she would not be charged. The teacher also went through Dani's homework with her and clearly defined what she was expected to do each night. 30 minutes of reading. 30 minutes for math - just do odds or evens. Grammar if she can get to it in an hour. I'm VERY happy that this was addressed (but still not sure why it had to be a problem in the first place....)