Tuesday, January 31, 2012

The reality of having a baby

There is a blog that annoys the ever loving crap out of me.  It's called "The Art of Having a Baby".  It features a narcissistic Russian (mail order???) bride and her ambiguous husband.  She apparently has everything figured out, from what language to speak to the child each day of the week, to what tube dress to wear home from the hospital.

Each day she posts heavily Photoshopped pictures of herself (apparently she has something against eyebrows?).  She is quite enamored of herself and loves to get praise from her blog readers, telling her how perfect she is.  She also has sponsors on her page who want her to model stuff to give away.

The part that scares/annoys me is that she portrays this perfect idea of how things will be.  She is expecting to walk out of the hospital in a tube dress, with a newborn that will have only soiled 5 cloth diapers in the hospital.  She will be hypnobirthing and everything will be perfect.

But lets face it.  It wont be perfect.  It will be messy.  Your perfect birth with the baby laying on your stomach for 2 hours until the cord is cut - all fine and dandy unless you are having after pains that are so brutal, you still think you are in labor.  This is assuming you didn't get any drugs for delivery.  Chances are if you need hypno therapy to get your cervix checked, you will need drugs.  Just sayin...  That tube dress will not hold engorged boobs under wraps and good luck breastfeeding with that on.  And the short skirt - expect your full on giant Depends sized ULTRA SUPER MAXI pad to be hanging out of the bottom of the dress. 

That beautiful perfect child could come out a screamer.  Some babies are just not born happy.  Every child has a different personality and you never know what you will get.  So you have this miserable ugly maggoty newborn who wont stop crying and you don't know what you did wrong, and you can't stop crying.  Or you have this beautiful perfect child and you don't know what is wrong because you keep crying.  Because no matter what, nothing will ever quite live up to your expectations.

But go ahead and post photoshopped pictures of your belly and make sure other moms feel inadequate because they can't be perfect too.  Because you are just strange that way.

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